Looks Like
by Taylor Hayes
Summary: Santana tries one last time to let Brittany know how she feels via song. Oneshot. Brittana with background Klaine. Character study on Santana's thought process.


**Looks Like**

She had tried. Again and again, she had done her best to tell her best friend how she felt. She had even done it the way everyone in the stupid-ass glee club told her she should – in song.

And Britt was still sitting in the defective Transformer's lap and playing with his geeky suspenders and giggling and smiling at him.

Santana just wanted it to stop. She wanted Brittany to either drop the cripple and be with her, or she wanted to be able to rip out her own heart and make sure it never bothered her again. She was a first-class, Latina bitch. If anyone should know how to do that, it should be Santana.

But it wasn't working.

The whole thing with Dave had been a feint, an act, a calculated risk that was supposed to make Brittany jealous, and get Fancy Pants back, thus causing Britt to start thinking of Santana as the best thing ever, again.

Well, Rainbow Brite was back, Wheels had called Brittany stupid, Britters had dropped mini-McVests, and hell, Tana even thought she might have made a friend of Dave.

None of that changed the fact that her favorite blonde was avoiding Santana like the plague. And she didn't have a freaking clue why. None of it was fair. If Ladyface and his male-Berry could get their totally gay happy ever after, why couldn't she?

She'd been desperate, she'd been terrified, she'd been angry. There really wasn't another reason for her to strike up a friendship –a legit one this time, not just because of need for prom queen votes –with Pretty Pretty Princess Porcelain. And she'd been shocked to realize that she kind of actually liked the fairy. Sure, his outfits could be more than a little crazy, but he pulled them off by having a superior Bitch Bite and the type of harsh wit the Jersey Housewives would probably kill for. Not to mention, behind all the fairy dust and rainbows and unicorns, the kid was sort of the best person Tana had ever met.

It took her a while to figure it out, but when she finally got that, she'd been blown a-freaking-way. And he hid everything he did to help other people out and support them with a smoke screen of sharp comments and over-the-top facial expressions. Still, it was there. Underneath all of that, he was kind and supporting and would do anything he could to help out a friend. For god's sake, he'd actually forgiven Frankenteen after the douche had called him a fag in his own damn room. (And, yeah, Tana was actually quite proud of managing to get the truth about that little interaction out of Burt Hummel, of all people. She was currently more than a little in love with the old dude. Protective was a major turn-on.)

Anyway, it all boiled down to this: standing up in front of the goddamn club and offering to sing. Kurt hadn't known why Tana wanted a song that said that (although he had guessed it had something to do with his "ex-girlfriend"), but he'd found one. And she was pretty sure she was going to hurt Britt, and she wanted to regret it. Just once though, she wanted Brittany to know how she felt – how much it made her heart ache to have the person she loved more than anyone pretending like she didn't exist.

And, yeah, she knew it was hypocritical. Santana was well aware that she'd gone all kinds of Super Bitch on Britt, and that she still hadn't managed to convince herself it was going to be okay to admit how she felt to everyone. She got that, if anything ever convinced Brittany to be with her, her own fear would probably force them to hide it, which Britters would hate.

None of that changed how much she wanted the blonde to feel exactly the way she felt right now – like someone had sliced her open, pulled out her heart and stomped on it, then stuck it back in, still gushing blood.

So when the music started, she gave herself away to it. It might not have been her most polished performance, but no one could deny it might have been her best.

…

"_You took your coat off and stood in the rain. You're always crazy like that. And I watched from my window, always felt like I was outside looking in on you. You're always the mysterious one with light eyes and careless hair. You were fashionably sensitive but too cool to care. You stood in my doorway with nothing to say, besides some comment about the weather._"

…

Brittany sat next to Kurt and couldn't take her eyes off of Santana. The other girl was always pretty, Brittany had never even considered denying it. But she didn't want to like Santana right now.

She didn't want her bestie to be afraid of herself. There was nothing wrong with loving someone, because it's not like you could help it. Santana didn't understand that, and Brittany wanted her to.

And this song sounded so sad. It sounded like Tana was thinking about giving up fighting. Tana never stopped fighting though. Even when she lost, she kept coming back and attacking again and again. It was one of Brittany's favorite things about her.

Now, she looked like she wanted it to be over. And that wasn't right.

…

"_Well, in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see, this is my heart bleeding for you. This is me down on my knees. And these foolish games are tearing me apart. And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart. You're breaking my heart._"

…

She wasn't paying attention to anyone in that moment except the blonde. And in the back of her head, she was conscious of the fact that anyone in the room, anyone walking past, would be able to guess exactly who she was saying she loved.

Santana didn't care. She couldn't care. All she could do was keep singing.

…

"_You're always brilliant in the morning, curling your long hair and talking over coffee. Your philosophies on life, reality moved you. You loved cats and you'd speak of your loved ones as I clumsily strummed my guitar._"

…

Morning was one of the times Brittany loved the most. Especially mornings after a sleepover with Santana. They would wake up early and make out for a little bit, then Tana would help her put up her ponytail. Santana would have coffee, and Brittany would have Lucky Charms, and she would smile that sweet, silly smile while Brittany talked about Lord Tubbington and Charity and the new things she'd learned.

…

"_You'd teach me of honest things, things that were daring, things that were clean. Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean. I hid my soiled hands behind my back. Somewhere along the line I must've got off track with you._"

…

It was always absurd how nice and good Brittany seemed, compared to her. Santana was the bitchiest of bitches, and she was proud of that fact. But it meant she'd said things and done things that she wasn't proud of. It meant she'd slept with Finnocence to mess with Man Hands, and she lied to make Britt think it wasn't cheating if they kissed while Brittany was Clownface Cripple's girlfriend. Santana was not a good person. And she did her best to never feel guilty. But there were days where she just drowned in it. And Brittany helped and made it worse all at once.

…

"_Well excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else. Somebody who gave a damn. Somebody more like myself. These foolish games are tearing me apart. And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart. You're breaking my heart._"

…

Brittany just wanted to give Santana space to figure things out. Sometimes, that was what she needed, when she couldn't think of how to fix things. And instead of helping, Brittany saw now – she'd made Santana think she didn't want to be with her. Had she done that before? Had she made her best friend in the whole world feel like no one wanted her? Well, it didn't matter now, because she wasn't going to let that happen again. Brittany loved Santana more than anyone in the world, even more than her mom and Lord Tubbington and her dolphin. And she needed to make sure that Tana knew, too.

…

"_You took your coat off, stood in the rain. You're always crazy like that._"

…

Santana expected Brittany to cry, or maybe get mad. It was rare, and she wasn't sure if anyone else had ever seen Britt really and truly angry. So she was thrown off completely when the girl jumped to her feet, ran at Tana and pulled her tightly into her arms, telling her over and over again how much she loved her.

And that was all it took. All the time they'd spent separated and unhappy was gone, just like that. And while they both knew it might take a while before Santana could admit to other people that she wanted Brittany to be her girlfriend, they didn't care, because they were finally together.

…

From across the room, Kurt sat back in his chair, smiling gently, and covertly took a picture of the girls wrapped around one another, before sending it to Blaine. A moment later, he received a text.

**Finally figured it out, huh?**

He looked back at them and the way their foreheads touched and the way they refused to let go and he silently laughed.

**Looks like.**


End file.
